A Love Hate Masquerade

A Love Hate Masquerade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I have a love/hate relationship with the words “I love you.”  When someone who really cares about me says this, it is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. But a lot of the time I cringe when people whom I suspect are not sincere use these same words to manipulate me.

The way I was raised set up this dichotomy where my mother would essentially blame me for ruining her life, but then after she was finished demolishing any trace of self-esteem that I had she would hug me and say “I love you.” Huh? It was the old “I love you/go away” game.  Maybe saying those words made her feel better, but it didn’t make me feel better at all.

So a lot of times when people use the words “I love you” in a flippant, self-serving way I absolutely do not trust it.

Here are my thoughts on the proper use of these words:

1. Love is a verb first and foremost. You can’t beat me up emotionally and “love” me at the same time.

2. Love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment to the person that you will treat them in a loving way.

3. Saying “I love you” is not a get out of jail free card. You are still responsible for your actions and words if you behave in a hurtful way towards others.

4. You can’t wallpaper over years of abuse by saying “I love you.”

5. Saying “I love you” when you have hurt me is meaningless unless it is accompanied by an apology and a change of behavior.

6. Love means recognizing a person’s inherent worth, despite the fact that you may disagree with them.  Attacking my character is not “love.”

7. Love means putting in an effort to help create and maintain a relationship.

8. Love means appreciating what you have been given, rather than complaining that it isn’t enough.

9. Love is about giving and receiving, not taking and blaming.

10.  Love means appreciating who a person really is, rather than trying to change her into what you want her to be.


Any more thoughts on this people? I welcome any input! 😉