bizarro world

bizarro world (Photo credit: purplepix)

Despite my resolve to stick to my principles, my sister got to me again. This time she pulled out the abandonment card, “When Dad dies we will be the only close family you will have. I will always love you.”

I am not saying that she is a complete liar. I think she does love me on some level. But not enough for it to show in her actions. Love is first and foremost a verb, as I explained in my last article.

The past week has been very confusing for me to deal with in regards to my sister. She was nice to me when our dad got sick and landed in the emergency room. Fortunately he was not in serious condition and was released with a prescription. Despite the fact that this wasn’t the best of circumstances I thought this might be a good time to try to work things out with her. It ended in a disaster when her husband once again accused me of being unworthy of any love and respect. She did not respond at all.

Three days later my sister sent an e-mail to our dad and I saying in a cheerful tone with a smiley face next to her name that a cousin wanted to get together for Easter and “who’s up for it?”

Ugh! Does she live in some bizzaro world where context doesn’t matter?

Her position is that I am being unfair to her because she has made an effort to be “nice.” She wants to put everything behind us and can’t understand why I can’t do that either.

She does not get it that I can’t do that because this is a pattern of abusive behavior that goes back years and years. We have tried sweeping it under the rug and it hasn’t worked.

The other problem with her rational is that it is very condescending. She still believes that everything that happened was my fault but has decided not to let that get in the way of our “relationship.”

Gee thanks, sis, that makes me feel a WHOLE lot better!

This is just another attempt to get out of her responsibilities towards me and our relationship.

I sent her an e-mail telling her that I would not come to any get-together unless she promised to treat me with the same respect and dignity that she would treat any guest in her house. She accused me of trying to bring up “that old argument” and banned me from coming.

It was a simple yes or no question. If she really wanted me in her life she would agree to these terms. I ask nothing more from her than she asks from me, which is RESPECT.

Again she framed it in a very insulting way, “My husband and I feel that since you are so upset that you are not ready to participate in a family get-together. Maybe some time in the future we can reconsider our position.”

WHAT???

I told her that I want no further invitations for family get-togethers and that I don’t want any contact unless it involves a family emergency, such as our Dad becoming ill.

That is what prompted the heart-rending appeal that I mentioned at the top of my post.

I gave her one last chance by telling her that it was not my desire to cut them off, but that I had no choice because of their behavior towards me. I said that if she was willing to treat me with the same respect she expects from me, and is willing to talk through our misunderstandings instead of assuming that I have done something to her on purpose and getting mad at me for it, then I could reconsider. I told that I am not asking for anything more than what she would do with a friend, which is to listen to my side of the story and work through conflicts in a mature manner.

I have had no response from her. So I guess I have my answer. She really does not want a relationship with me at all.

It is time for me to leave this behind and move forward. I am still sad about this but I am working on letting this go. I wish things were different, but as my dad always says, “Things are as they are.”

Read more about abusive behavior in my blog post Characteristics of Emotional Abusers.

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