The past few days have been an eye opener for me as I am finally coming to a sense of closure about what has been going on in my family. It seems that cutting them off has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I feel more at peace than I have for a long time. Why? Because I realize I don’t owe them. Not only that, they don’t owe me either.

Fly-away close up

Fly-away close up (Photo credit: tdlucas5000)

Spirit has been showing me that my sister is on a different path than mine, and that we aren’t meant to travel it together. That does not make her path any less valid than mine. I firmly believe that all roads lead to the same destination.  But her path is custom-made and the lessons are for her alone.

The bottom line is that just like some romantic breakups occur because of unworkable expectations, the same thing can happen in family relationships, too.

The reason why we are here on this earth is not to make everyone happy. Nor should we expect that others should make us happy either. We are here to love and grow through our mistakes and we can choose to share that with others or not.  Many times we get hurt by sharing with the wrong people.  It is not always our fault but we can learn little by little who we can trust, and who we can’t.

Despite all of my complaints about my sister, I do have a good model of what trust looks like with my dad. I think this situation has been brought to a head because just like with any creature, it is time to leave the nest and look for sustenance elsewhere. I am financially independent and I have my own house, but I am extremely emotionally dependent on my father. Underneath all my drama with my sister has been a desire for her to take over that role. But she can’t and I shouldn’t expect her to.

Ironically what has held me back from making more friends is that I am afraid of rejection. I have felt unworthy of any love or compassion. Yet with my sister I have created the very situation that I am afraid of!

The fact is that I am worthy and I don’t have to prove that to anyone. My worthiness has nothing to do with the fact that I have a mental illness, bipolar disorder. It is not a moral issue. Who I am transcends all that, because I am in the image of Spirit.

When I close my eyes an image comes in front of me. I am walking through an apartment complex. I am in an  indoor passage with carpeting. As I stop in front of an apartment door it does not bother me that it is firmly closed against my entering. In fact it feels like freedom. I don’t have to be a part of what is beyond that doorway anymore. I walk past and leave with a spring in my step and lightness in my heart.

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