Tag Archive: Pain


 

 

the cargo

the cargo (Photo credit: fallsroad)

 

I started this blog as an inspirational site. However there are times when I just don’t feel positive or even spiritual. Because of that I have not been posting much here. That may sound silly, but I do not want to bring people down. On the other hand, I am human and perhaps my pain can also serve a purpose in helping others. So today I do not feel “enlightened” Today I don’t feel God. Today I do not see myself as a”being of Light and Love” (as we all are). Today I feel like crap and I guess that is okay. I wrote this poem today:

Walls

The walls fall down

And it is just me

Naked

And screaming at the sky

Can she hear me?

I can’t get rid

Of the ugly image

Of me

The unwanted

The undeserving

She may hate me

But if you praise me too much

I hate it

Don’t want it

Can’t accept it

You don’t know me

And I won’t let you know me

I think I’ll ruin your life

I can’t bear the responsibility

I can’t bear the rejection

I think I am doing you a favor

By keeping to myself

What good am I?

Thank God I have no children

Thank God I have no husband

There is just me

And she is not good enough

Never good enough

Run away from me

Run away…

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For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.

Cynthia Occelli

Just like the seasons, people have the ability...

Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change (Photo credit: symphony of love)

 

Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe.

C. JoyBell C.

 

The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.

Unknown

 

The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment.

Eckhart Tolle

 

Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.

Unknown

Are You Challenged?

Are You Challenged? (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

 

If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.

Unknown

 

Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.

Glenda Cloud

 

All great changes are preceded by chaos.

Deepak Chopra

 

In chaos, there is fertility.

Anais Nin

 

Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Anais Nin

 

To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.

Pema Chodron

 

Change is the only constant.

Heraclitus

changing fate

changing fate (Photo credit: CrazyFast)

 

 

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Bee on flower (female Xylocopa violacea)

Bee on flower (female Xylocopa violacea) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hi all! I know I promised a post on the Law of Attraction and how that relates to the buddhist concept of non-attachment but I have gotten a bit derailed by my fibromyalgia.  I’ll get to it soon I promise! If you missed the first article about fear and non-attachment you can read it here.

In the meantime I have an old post that I would like to share. I originally wrote this as part of a book I was planning on daily meditations. I hope you will enjoy it!

Beauty and Pain In Suffering

I found that the nature of life is joyful, that deep within the core of each one of us is the joy that indeed surpasses understanding. This is a joy beyond polarity—a joy that includes sorrow, a hope that embraces despair.

Dorothy Maclean

In the tapestry of our lives there is a poetic theme. Often it is hard to see the beauty behind the pain. For many of us life has often been in a state of constant upheaval due to our illness. It is hard to see a sense of order or the Divine in it…read more

Self Compassion

Kristin

Kristin (Photo credit: j3sspwnsj00)

 

I found a great article on www.tinybuddha.com Enjoy!

 

Self-Compassion: Learning to Be Nicer to Ourselves

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Bobbi Emel

Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~Lama Yeshe

Several months ago, I sat in a large workshop audience being led by Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research.

She directed us to divide up into pairs for a self-compassion exercise. I turned to the young woman next to me. We introduced ourselves and returned our attention to Kristin.

Following her instructions, my partner closed her eyes while I sat looking at her. Kristin led those of us with open eyes through a loving-kindness meditation that was directed at our partners.

Although I did not know this young woman, I could feel my heart open wide to her as compassion arose within me. I felt warm and loving toward her.

Then it was my turn to sit with closed eyes. As Kristin repeated the meditation and I felt my partner’s loving gaze on me, I started to hear a voice.

Not a psychotic one, mind you, but that familiar voice that so often takes up my internal space. It had started chatting quietly but zoomed to full volume within seconds.

“You don’t deserve compassion! You don’t make enough money! You snap at Andrea all the time! You just need to get yourself under control!”

Sigh. So much for self-compassion.

But that was the point.

After the exercise, Dr. Neff asked, “How many of you found it harder to feel compassion toward yourself than the stranger sitting next to you?”

Just about everyone in that huge group—including me—raised their hands.

What is Self-Compassion Really About?

When we feel compassion for others, we feel kindness toward them, empathy, and a desire to help reduce their suffering.

It’s the same when you are compassionate toward yourself. Self-compassion creates a caring space within you that is free of judgment—a place that sees your hurt and your failures and softens to allow those experiences with kindness and caring.

And yet, with all of the wonderful things that come along with being kind to ourselves, we find it hard to actually feel it.

Why? Why are we so lacking in self-compassion?

4 Mythical Beliefs about Self-Compassion

The deficiency in self-compassion is likely brought about by these four untrue thoughts:

1. I’m just indulging myself if I’m self-compassionate.

That’s what my inner voice wanted me to believe during the workshop exercise.

But I’ve learned something important that helps me with that little critic—the difference between self-indulgence and self-compassion.

Self-compassion involves your health and well-being. Self-indulgence is about getting anything and everything you want without thoughts of well-being.

Self-compassion is about becoming aware of and sitting with your pain. Self-indulgence numbs and denies your pain.

2. I won’t be motivated if I don’t criticize myself.

Somewhere, deep down, you and I might actually believe that we need that inner critic to keep us motivated in life; that without it, we too easily stray outside the lines.

And it’s also possible that the critic evolved to help keep us safe from harm.

But guess what? We don’t need it anymore. Being compassionate with ourselves allows for a much healthier, kinder motivation.

As Kristin Neff says, “While the motivational power of self-criticism comes from fear of self-punishment, the motivational power of self-compassion comes from the desire to be healthy, to reduce our suffering.”

3. It’s selfish for me to be compassionate toward myself.

Many people, women especially, are taught to put others ahead of themselves. Self-compassion can seem like the opposite of what you “should” be doing: taking care of others.

But how will beating yourself up help you be kinder to others? The source of our compassion will only be more authentic when we are able to show compassion to ourselves first.

4. Self-compassion is for wimps.

Put on your big girl panties and stop whining!

Man up!

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!

Our society tends to reward toughing things out more than it does being kind and nurturing to yourself.

But the truth is that the strongest people are also the ones who can buck cultural norms and feel genuine compassion for themselves and their circumstances.

3 Ideas to Create Compassion for Yourself

Throughout the last ten years of her research, Kristin Neff has found three main ways to generate more compassion for yourself.

1. Be kind to yourself

The best way to think about being kind to yourself is to think about a friend.

Go ahead. Do it now. Visualize your best friend.

Now imagine she comes to you and says she is hurting because she was passed over for that promotion at work that she’s wanted for so long.

Would you say to her, “Well, it’s probably because you didn’t work hard enough. And you’re too mousy. You should have spoken up about wanting a promotion a long time ago.”

What? You wouldn’t say that to a friend? Would you say it to yourself?

It’s more likely that you would hug your friend and say, “Oh no! That’s terrible. I know how long you’ve been hoping to get that promotion. Come on, let’s go get some coffee and talk about it?”

You can be kind to yourself in this way, too. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who is suffering.

Just as you would hug your friend, soothe yourself as well. Put your hands over your heart or locate the spot in your body where your hurt is hiding and gently place both hands there.

Speak kindly to yourself. Call yourself by an endearing name.

“Oh, honey. I’m hurting because I wanted that promotion so badly. This is a really hard place to be in right now.”

2. Embrace your common humanity

Many times when you criticize or judge yourself, you feel isolated. It seems as though you are the only one in the world who has that particular flaw.

And yet, we are all imperfect. We all suffer. And so we are all connected by our shared humanity.

One of the wonderful outcomes of self-compassion is our enhanced sense of belonging, the feeling that we are all in this together.

The next time you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, remember that you are an integral part of a flawed, wonderful, wounded, miraculous human tribe.

3. Be mindful

How will you know that you are suffering if you are repressing your pain, rationalizing it, or busy with problem-solving?

You must allow awareness of your pain to enter in. Being mindful is about noticing what is happening in the moment and having no judgment about it.

Notice your hurt and just be with it, compassionately and with kindness.

And note that trying to make pain go away with self-compassion is just another way to repress pain and hurt. Self-compassion is about being with your suffering in a kind, loving way, not about making suffering disappear.

We will always have pain. But as Shinzen Young has noted: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. The more you resist your pain, perhaps by trying to make it go away, the more suffering you will experience.

Mindfulness allows you to stay with the pain without the resistance.

Near the end of the workshop, Kristin led us through one last exercise called “Soften, soothe, allow.” It combines all three of the components listed above to help generate self-compassion.

After thinking about a difficulty we have, Kristin directed us to find the place in our bodies that held our problem and then place our hands on it.

I placed both of my hands gently over my heart.

Then, we were encouraged just to be with our pain—not try to rid ourselves of it—and allow kindness and compassion to surround it.

As I sat meditating on something I have always considered to be a character flaw, tears arose under my closed eyelids and soon splashed down my face.

It was the first time I had ever felt kindness for myself about this very raw area rather than listening to my inner critic. The pain I felt was actually okay when held in this compassionate space, I didn’t need to be ashamed any longer.

The soft waves of compassion surrounding my heart had healed me of my shame.

I now choose self-compassion in my life, especially when that inner voice starts up.

Will you?

About Bobbi Emel

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. Download her free ebook, “Bounce Back! 5 keys to survive and thrive through life’s ups and downs.” You can find her blog at http://www.TheBounceBlog.com and follow her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/bobbiemel) and Twitter (@BobbiEmel.)

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What Inspires You?

The Journey IS the Destination

The Journey IS the Destination (Photo credit: madlyinlovewithlife)

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck

I have discovered in the course of my journey that life and psychic growth move in cycling spiral rings of descent and ascent. Every new growth in myself has been proceeded by a descent of the seed into the dark ground.

Linda Shierse Leonard

Whatever is to give light must endure burning.

Viktor Frankl

One ship drives east and the other drives west by the self-same winds that blow. It’s the set of the sails and not the gales that determine the way they go.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.

Albert Einstein

I have no doubt whatever that most people live whether physically, intellectually, or morally, in a very restricted circle of their potential being. They make use of a very small portion of their limited consciousness…Much like the man who, out of his whole body organism, should get into the habit of using and moving only his little finger…We all have reservoirs of life to draw upon, of which we do not dream!

William James

Nothing is predestined. The obstacles of the past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

Ralph Blum

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Does anyone else have some good quotes? If so please share!  😉

Abstract Colorful Universe Wallpaper - TTdesign

Abstract Colorful Universe Wallpaper – TTdesign (Photo credit: tomt6788)

I found that the nature of life is joyful, that deep within the core of each one of us is the joy that indeed surpasses understanding. This is a joy beyond polarity—a joy that includes sorrow, a hope that embraces despair.

Dorothy Maclean

In the tapestry of our lives there is a poetic theme. Often it is hard to see the beauty behind the pain. For many of us life has often been in a state of constant upheaval due to our illness. It is hard to see a sense of order or the Divine in it. Yet the Universe is designed to bring beauty out of chaos. Everything you see around you was once in a chaotic state. From the birth of a new star to the birth of a new baby there is pain and suffering and beauty. We must trust that there is an implicit order in our lives that belies our surface difficulties, a purpose to our sufferings. Are we simply a victim of the random genetic influences that brought on our bipolar disorder or is there something deeper going on here? Perhaps we choose our life challenges before we come onto this planet in order to bring out the beauty that is in our souls. A sense of compassion may be born out of our trials, a desire to help others. We may find our lives redirected into new areas, perhaps leaving a dead end job for something that engages our minds and hearts. We may gain a sense of the spiritual sense of things beyond the material.

If you doubt that there is beauty and purpose in life let me ask you this: What is the purpose of a flower? Does it have bright colors and a wonderful scent just to attract the bee? Or is it beautiful in it’s own right? We are the only creatures on this planet who are capable of perceiving beauty. Beauty and joy are the essence of the Universe! We are co-creators in this pageantry of life, creating beauty out of pain.

Affirmation: I take my pain and sorrow and ask the Divine to spread it’s light over and through it and transform it into something beautiful. I ask to be shown how to use my suffering to benefit others.

A Recipe For Recovery

English: Illustration of the pain pathway in R...

English: Illustration of the pain pathway in René Descartes’ Traite de l’homme (Treatise of Man) 1664. The long fiber running from the foot to the cavity in the head is pulled by the heat and releases a fluid that makes the muscles contract. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the keys to dealing with depression is doing little steps every day to improve the quality of your life. This is also true with any chronic illness. I myself am also dealing with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Having both mental and  physical problems make it a challenge for me to stay positive.

Today for example I woke up exhausted and in a lot of pain.  Naturally that made me depressed too. I would have liked nothing but to stay in bed all day. But I couldn’t do that because that only makes the pain worse. My muscles become stiff without some activity.

My usual pattern has been to turn on the TV and sink into an even more morose state. I feel like there is nothing I can do but endure the pain, both physical and mental.

But now I am doing something different. I may not be able to eliminate my problems, but I can do little things that can make my life more bearable.

So today I took a hot bath with mineral salts and real lavender essential oil. That soothed my mind and warmed up my muscles. Then I was able to do some simple stretches. After that, I did some inspirational reading.

That doesn’t sound like much but it did help.  The key for me is to take little steps to move forward.  It is more than just filling my day, it is about feeding my body and spirit. It is a recipe for recovery.

I intend to slowly add some yoga and ride my exercise bike. And try some meditation and other spiritual exercises. Read more positive books instead of focusing on all the bad stuff going on in the world. I know from past experience that these things really help.

It really is a choice of whether I want to be sucked down into the abyss or if I want to rise above it. I choose the latter.

It’s a no-brainer.  😉